Karaoke on the Enterprise
by Darkwood Princess
Summary: What happens when Kirk gets tired of his CMO being a moron about his own love life? Kirk gets him to sing. For anyone who thought Bones might have a baritone. Light fluff. Bones/Chapel Gotta love Karaoke...
1. Chapter 1

Authors Note: I guess I really like the obscure random pairings… Uhm, I haven't written in a while and this is un-beta'd so please don't be too harsh…

Disclaimer: I don't own Star Trek. Or Dr. McCoy. Or a Tribble. I wish I owned all three. ^.^'

James Tiberius Kirk could deal with a lot of things.

He could deal with Scotty's ridiculous love of sandwiches and his incessant tinkering with the replicators in search of the perfect sub. (Even when they were stuck with haggis for a week).

He could deal with Chekov's ridiculous accent. (Even if Chekov picked up more girls on shore leave because of it).

He could deal with Sulu's enormous collection of Naruto and Bleach, paperbacks from the twenty-first century. (Even if they got left lying on the bridge and passed around by ensigns more interested in Matsumoto and Tsunade than the actual story).

Look, he could even deal with Uhura and Spock talking in Vulcan over his head while on duty. (Even when he knew they did it just to annoy him because Vulcan was one of the few languages he did not know).

What he couldn't deal with was Bones and his love life. Or lack thereof.

It wasn't that the good doctor couldn't get a date, wasn't handsome enough, etc…

It was that Bones was already attached to someone that he believed he couldn't have.

Christine Chapel. His head nurse.

Now Kirk was a semi patient guy. He could deal with Bones mooning over a girl and grumbling about his luck over a couple of beers. If only that's what Bones would do.

But no, Leonard McCoy wasn't like that. Instead of doing what most guys would do, he tried to do the opposite, the chivalrous thing to do. He ignored Chapel, barely spoke to her, and more or less made her feel unwanted, all in the hopes that he could get over her, the hopes that he wouldn't ruin her future medical career.

Well two things happened.

He didn't get over her.

His already gruff bedside manner got ten times worse. (Kirk had the hypo-needle bruises as proof)

So after a month of this kind of treatment. Chapel had come to Kirk, asking him if there was something _ she_ had done wrong. She even offered to transfer to another ship if it would make the sickbay run smoother.

Because the clean, well organized sick bay that had been created under a functioning McCoy/Chapel team had fallen apart when Bones had decided he needed to isolate his head nurse from himself. Yesterday, after an away mission which had dealt with, lord help him, a mirror dimension and Spock with a beard, he'd discovered a deep gash he must have missed earlier (A.N. Cause Kirk is pretty unobservant and usually beat up) and come in to sick bay. What he had found was chaos.

Bandages were strewn everywhere, hypos left lying, and a biobed had poor Keenser from Engineering strapped down tighter than a wookie at an Ewok feast. Christine, who usually organized the nurses, had been confined to her office by Bone's orders, told to do some random medical pad filling task.

Kirk had had enough of that. So he decided to fight back.

The Enterprise always had karaoke Fridays. It was a way to ease tension onboard a ship that was many hundreds of light years away from home. A mandatory event, Kirk usually had to drag his CMO and his First Officer to the party. One claimed it was illogical to sing when there were more productive activities to be completed, the other that he was a doctor not a performing monkey.

Well tonight Bones was going to be that performing monkey.

Kirk would make sure of it, because if Bones didn't tell Christine he loved her by the end of next week, well, he'd come up with that when he was talking to the stubborn doctor himself.

With a growing smirk, Kirk left the bridge.

A/N Reviews are love... XD


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hey guys! Uhm, thanks for the reviews, those of you who were kind enough to stop by and review!**

**Oh, I uh don't own anything. If I did would I be writing fanfiction? (yes XD)**

Jim's trip down to sickbay was rather uneventful. In fact, after the emotion he'd worked up before he took the turbo lift down to sickbay, he felt that this was starting to feel rather anticlimactic. Of course, that was before the doors clicked open calmly, revealing the bedlam within.

Nurses were running everywhere as unidentifiable blue goop dripped from the ceiling, each one grasping an old fashioned bucket. Bones, looking beyond stressed, was shouting orders, trying to marshal the group into some semblance of coordination while ranting about some 'damn fool science experiment gone wrong' and how he was going to 'wring that green blooded hobgoblin's neck'. Jim could only assume that one of Spock's experiments had gone critical. But in sickbay? And where was Christine?

Oh and, why hadn't anyone alerted him to this? He was the captain after all.

" *whistle* Captain, there seems to be an issue in sickbay." The calm, measured voice of the Vulcan first officer could be heard over the sounds of chaos. _Thanks Spock._ Kirk thought wryly as Bones launched into another tirade and blue gunk dripped onto his green command uniform. _Oh, and I'm glad we replaced those money operated washing units. This'd be one _nasty_ cleanup job. _

XXX

Ten minutes later, sickbay no longer resembled the inside of a flubber experiment gone nuclear and Jim was toweling off his head in Dr. McCoy's office. Bones, still grumbling, plopped down in his seat and wanted to know what exactly Jim needed.

Kirk sighed, knowing this wasn't going to be easy. He had found out the cause of the chaos ( a new ensign had mistaken sickbay for science lab 1, Spock's domain, and delivered a time sensitive cage of Andorian glow worms, which have a tendency to explode, showering everything in blue goop) and he now knew where Christine had been (grabbing an old fashioned mop and bucket and then racing out to clean up the mess), what he didn't know was how to approach his request.

In true Kirkian manner, Jim winged it.

"Why do you keep all these relics around?" he gestured to the mop and bucket, leaning against the wall. They had new technology that worked better than that, but, just like the books in this room, Jim knew that anachronisms were a love of the 'plain old country doctor'.

"Why shouldn't I? It doesn't hurt anyone to do some good old fashioned mopping." Was the reply, as Bones dug around in his desk drawers for something. "But that's not why you're here is it? I doubt you're really interested in mops and buckets Jim or the books on my walls. They're not you're kinda books. No pictures."

Jim cracked a smile as Bones found what he was looking for and tossed the captain an apple. Catching it with deftness and skill, Jim snorted at the suspicious look his friend was giving him and replied with an innocent smile.

"Just wondering if I could get you to do something." Jim smirked, as an expression of puzzlement crossed Bones' face. The doctor seemed tired, and Jim almost felt bad about what he was doing. Almost.

"What do ya need?" was Bones' cautious reply. Jim shrugged nonchalantly. The ever present scowl appeared on Dr. McCoy's face almost instantly. Jim almost laughed at how easy it was to rile Bones up.

" Well, what if I told you that Mr. Spock had a crush on your head nurse?" Jim, asked, eyes twinkling with mischief. He knew Bones had heard all of the crews rumors (a doctor is often privy to more than his or her fair share of rumors due to crew confidentiality) and that a peculiar, yet useful protective streak ran straight through the Georgia man. "Oh, and that he's going to ask her to dinner soon. What sort of girl doesn't want someone like Mr. Spock?" Jim wanted to laugh at the emotions that crossed Bones' face.

Shock. Anger. Jealousy. More Anger. Determination. Fury. Resignation.

(in that order)

"Well, that's good for Christine." Bones ground out, eyeing a particular pad with such ferocity that Jim was surprised the pad didn't sizzle right out of existence. He wasn't sure if this plan was working, but at least he was getting somewhere. "You said ya needed something." Bones reminded him, throwing said pad away.

"Yeah, I do, but what was that?" his curiosity was peaked at what had been on the offending piece of machinery. McCoy sighed, an unhappy and tired sound.

"Just another invitation to sing at one of your damned karaoke parties. Isn't it enough that I have to keep all 400 some crewmen from catching the Tellarite Flu and the Andorian Shingles. There's only one person I'd ever sing for and I can't…" his voice dropped off as he realized he'd been rambling and that Jim Kirk, the man who seemed to attract girls like he was coated in some kind of pheromone honey, was watching him with a look he didn't like.

"Oh no. No. I am not going to get up there and sing. I don't care if half the crew does it. I'm not. No." Jim smiled again and shrugged in a nonchalant manner.

"Well, last I heard, Spock's gonna ask her tonight after we leave the karaoke party. If you want a chance to even get her attention, you'd have to sing tonight." Kirk was pretty sure he was winning this battle of wills as he watched Bones struggle against himself. It was a low blow, pulling Spock into this, but if he could prompt McCoy into action, then maybe he wouldn't have to deal with this stupid situation anymore.

It was then that Christine knocked on the door.

"Come in." Bones more or less sighed out, as Jim turned to grin at their visitor. As usual Christine was dressed impeccably well, as far as her hair and uniform went, and was carrying a padd that needed something or other.

"List of supplies for our visit at Starbase 12." She pointed out, slipping the padd onto his desk and turning to leave. Kirk didn't miss the way Bones' eyes lit up for a moment when she smiled slightly at him and how those same eyes glared when she gave a polite smile to Jim. That and how Bones tried not to stare at Christines' long, long legs. Jim was assured in that instant that his friend sure had it bad.

_3.2.1._ Jim counted down in his head as he tried not to smirk.

"Fine. I'll sing. But only one song." Bones was staring studiously at the list of supplies, trying to hide the embarrassed flush that had crept up his neck. It wasn't that he was scared of singing, more that he was worried about singing in front of the entire crew. That and the last time he had sang anything they were lullabies for Joanna. He could hardly sing, Hushaby Baby in front of everyone.

Jim stood up to leave and was stopped when Bones asked him something.

"You never did tell me what it was ya needed." Bones muttered, looking up at Jim from his desk. Jim finally gave into his temptation to laugh.

"I was going to ask you to sing. But I don't think that's necessary anymore." _That and give you a one week ultimatum, but_ _now that you're doing this, I don't think that'll be necessary._ Jim thought, watching as the thunderstorm scowls clouded Bones face again and his friend muttered about 'no good meddling captains'.

XXX

"There's a stranger in my bed,  
>There's a pounding in my head<br>Glitter all over the room  
>Pink flamingos in the pool<br>I smell like a minibar  
>DJ's passed out in the yard<br>Barbie's on the barbeque  
>Is this a hickie or a bruise?"<p>

Gaila's voice rang out across the cafeteria as she sang to an old Earth song. This Friday night was 21st Century themed, so all the music had to be several centuries old. Most artists were allowed, so Katy Perry was okay, even though Justin Beiber was banned. Unless Chekov wanted to sing it, then the crew would listen, but otherwise no Beiber fever was to be contracted.

"Pictures of last night  
>Ended up online<br>I'm screwed  
>Oh well<br>It's a blacked out blur  
>But I'm pretty sure it ruled<br>Damn.

Last Friday night  
>Yeah we danced on tabletops<br>And we took too many shots  
>Think we kissed but I forgot ."<p>

The crowd laughed at that one. Only Gaila could kiss someone and forget it, after dancing on table tops, taking too many shots, _and_ snapping pictures. Jim laughed as the song rushed on, getting a

particular kick out of

"Trying to connect the dots  
>Don't know what to tell my boss<br>Think the city towed my car  
>Chandelier is on the floor<br>With my favourite party dress  
>Warrants out for my arrest<br>Think I need a ginger ale  
>That was such an epic fail"<p>

Gaila's expression during those lines took the cake for this-is-ridiculous-why-did-I-do-this moments. It didn't matter that no one used the term 'epic fail' anymore or that 'telling the boss' would have resulted in Kirk trying not to roll around on the floor laughing when Scotty would have brought the tale to him.

As Gaila finished, Kirk glanced across the table at Bones who was staring nervously at his hands. Jim wondered again if this had been such a great idea, but was reassured when he saw Christine sneaking peeks at their table from hers across the room. She was sitting with Uhura, Janice, and, when not singing, Gaila. Kirk hoped Bones got over his nerves quick because Sulu, the M.C. for these Friday night bashes, was about to announce the next up, which happened to be Bones.

"And up next is…" Sulu stared at the padd in his hand with surprise, "Dr. McCoy."

The room stilled as Bones stood up and walked over to the stage. Kirk silently wished his friend good luck and turned to glance at Christine, surprise was chief on her face, but so was curiosity.

A soft guitar strain started out of the karaoke machine and Jim had to suppress a smile. Of course it was country music.

"Baby lock the door and turn the lights down low  
>Put some music on that's soft and slow<br>Baby we ain't got no place to go  
>I hope you understand"<p>

Bones' deep baritone, surprising and soft, stunned the whole room. Jim knew his friend didn't sing because he couldn't, but because he could.

"I've been thinking 'bout this all day long  
>Never felt a feeling quite this strong<br>I can't believe how much it turns me on  
>Just to be your man."<p>

McCoy tried not to turn and smile gently at Christine, but failed. _She's blushing. Lord she's gorgeous._

"There's no hurry  
>Don't you worry we can take our time<br>Come a little closer  
>Let's go over what I had in mind<p>

Baby lock the door and turn the lights down low  
>Put some music on that's soft and slow<br>Baby we ain't got no place to go  
>I hope you understand"<p>

At this point, almost every girl in the room was swooning. Kirk wanted to cackle maniacally at how well this was going, wanted to laugh until….

The red alert went off.

So much for karaoke.

**AN: Songs belong to Josh Turner and Katy Perry. I suggest you listen to them when you read… XD Cliff hangers are evil, but reviews are fantastic!**


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